i have hit my ultimate low since returning. well, it isnt depressed low, just iamsofrustrated low.

low on energy. and i mean mentally.

im convinced i am hardwired to live alone (as in without friends). it is probably something in my genetic makeup that makes me require so little interaction. is this the result of the antisocial internet activity (anime, and one player games?)

people like me thank the people who create facebook and stuff, where we can at least tell the world we're still alive, or pretend to care about someone, by making things easy. just post a happy birthday! or whatsup on the wall and tada! you care.

ah.

if i find myself finding excuses for being too apathetic to even click that 'Share' button on facebook, is there something wrong with me? has my laziness reached a new high/low? it is so easy to slink away from 'extra' human interaction, so much effort to keep in the loop.

sure, i do feel a little left out -ive pretty much fallen off the face of the earth at this time. i cant be bothered to reply IMs etc etc etc etc etc- but the reason i feel bad is because it isnt good not to network.

damn that n word. networking. the unfortunate truth is we all need others in this world. especially in the very pragmatic working world. it is very vexing. i think it is responsible for half of my moodiness.

all i want to say is screw that.

*

lately, words escape me. all i have is a feeling of the word im looking for. so i make up my own words. like belongment when i meant ownership. hah.

*

isnt it sad that the first post since i return from NZ is this pathetic rant, in this awful mood.

trip to NZ was all too short. 6 weeks might as well have been 6 days. T_T

just as i started getting jittery from the slightest vibration thinking its gonna culminate into another magnitude6.3, just as i got used to 10degree weather (in fact i was downright enjoying it), we return to this earthquake-free 30degree sauna smaller than the size of lake taupo. (was it taupo?)

oh, life.

oh yea. i save liked 160$ on insurance! woohoo!

flight to christchurch was only delayed 3 hours - wouldnt have been able to claim insurance.

countless aftershocks including gthe 5.6 and 6.3 on monday and no harm done!

didnt break a leg during the trips. didnt break anything except a plastic bowl and some other plastic thing in a science experiment gone wrong. not covered by insurance, in any case.

a new bruise a week while i was there. horse almost crushed my left leg. fell on my knees once. landed poorly and probably reinjured my knees so now i think i have weak knees again.

NZ is so much fun!