this family is falling apart because of bad communication.

but really, the worst communications involve mum. no matter how nicely and aptly i try to phrase things, mum just seems to get another message! it is like the 2meters of separation between the both of us somehow warps everything i say. or perhaps she interprets my message wrongly. it is very likely i misinterpret too. although i do make it a point not to jump to the worst conclusions. maybe mum is a bad communicator. no, scratch that. she is a bad communicator. her thoughts are all over the place. im talking A and she somehow drags in B, C and D. i try to bring the topic back to A but she conjures up E. i repeat A and (i feel) she totally disregards what im trying to say.

i say 'i just want to say _____. do you understand?' and instead of responding with a yes or no, she talks about F. i mean, who wouldnt feel like theyre words are not getting through? she insists she gets it, but why doesnt she show me that she gets it?

i hate it. i hate how it is impossible to talk to her. i think it isnt just because of the language barrier. why is it that i can participate in mandarin conversations just fine with other people but not with her? it seems to me the problem lies with her! believe me, im trying to think of other reasons which might explain why we are always on different frequencies, but i'm coming up with nothing!

today i started the conversation solely to inform her. keyword here is inform. i was not looking for a discussion, or arguement, or trying to get her to do/change something. i just wanted to tell her something. i wanted her to say OK. i wanted her to just accept the message. like an office memo. but even that was too difficult. it quickly evolved into something totally ridiculous with her trying to get us to change our behaviour.

coming to the topic of change

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST ACCEPT OTHER PEOPLE AS THEY ARE?

why cant they accept that others have a different way of speaking, acting, thinking, dressing etc?

my friends have a problem with the way i dress. my mum has a problem with the way i dress. give me a break! seriously. piss off! why do my friends even bother to comment? why the hell should i conform to those standards? is it shameful to be seen walking with me? why can't i wear black, skinnies, drapey cardigans and leather boots? my old boss did not say anything about my appearance. neither the programme director nor my mentor has anything to say about it. and really, does it matter that i don't look like 90% of the girls here when i go out? it's not like im going to work or examine patients that requires me to look the part of a professional. is mum worried i'll never get married? well, NEWSFLASH! i have absolutely no interest in those frivolous affairs! yes, i said it. frivolous. love and marriage is rubbish to me. when i think of these things i strip it down to wacky hormones and neurotransmitters. there is nothing romantic about it when you think of it this way. i am that literal and boring.

it really pisses me off that mum just cannot accept me. it has been so many years. you should have seen her face light up when i put on a tan-coloured skirt the other day. i felt most insulted. just imagine, your mum can't even accept you for who you are. and your parents are supposed to be the most supportive people.